Understanding Doubting Thoughts

An enemy of Personal and Social Confidence

Sometimes you can feel weighed down by a person who criticises every move you make. They mock your efforts, amplify your insecurities and convince you that you’re not good enough. That’s when you realise that person is you! Welcome to doubting thoughts.

What Are Doubting Thoughts?

Doubting thoughts are destructive mental patterns that undermine trust—both in yourself and others. Whether these thoughts manifest in professional, romantic, familial or friendly relationships, they can be deeply confusing and mistrusting. Although doubting thoughts may initially serve as defence mechanisms, helping you to protect yourself from past risks, they can later become unrealistic and harmful, creating emotional and relational turbulence.

The Confusion of Doubting Thoughts

Doubting thoughts often lead to confusion as they tend to be based on mistrust, insecurity, or past experiences rather than objective reality. This confusion can cause unnecessary stress and anxiety, preventing you from seeing situations clearly. While you might be told to trust your gut instinct, it’s important to ask: Is it always best to believe everything you think? And where do these doubts really come from?

Common Sources of Doubting Thoughts

Doubting thoughts often arise from a range of personal experiences and internal pressures including:

• Traumatic or Negative Past Experiences: Past experiences of betrayal or disappointment can leave you questioning whether similar situations will happen again.
• Regret or Shame: Feelings of guilt or shame about past actions can lead to ongoing self-doubt.
• Emotional Abuse or Judgement: Continuous criticism or emotional abuse can erode your confidence and trust in yourself.
• Overwhelming Guilt or Pressure from Others: External pressure from family, society, or friends may increase self-doubt.
• Societal or Media Influences: Unrealistic societal expectations can make you doubt your self-worth or abilities.
• Fear of the Unknown: The fear of uncertain outcomes can cause you to question whether you are making the right decisions.
• Unfamiliar Environments: New environments or situations, such as starting a new job, can trigger doubts about your ability to succeed.

How Far Is Too Far?

Doubting thoughts can vary in intensity—some may be fleeting, while others are persistent enough to provoke impulsive reactions. How far do your doubts take you? Do they remain as thoughts, or do they spiral into toxic behaviours that harm relationships and your self-image?

Scenario 1: Doubting a New Relationship

After healing from a difficult past relationship, you decide to start dating again. You meet someone new and for the first six months, everything seems perfect. However, after noticing your partner’s mysterious disappearances at night, your old trust issues resurface. When you confront them, they give a seemingly innocent explanation: “I was out for a run.” But the explanation feels unsettlingly familiar, reminding you of past deceptions. You begin to question yourself and your partner.

• Self-Doubt: You start wondering, “Have I done something wrong? Have they stopped loving me?”
• Doubting Your Partner: You ask yourself, “Are they lying to me? Could they be cheating on me?”

The conflict between your past trauma and present situation leaves you overwhelmed with doubt. At this point, you need to decide: Do you believe them and refocus your energy positively or do you let the doubts drive you to unhealthy behaviours?

Scenario 2: Self-Doubt at a New Job

You land a prestigious job at a top firm, a role that fills you with both excitement and anxiety. However, lingering memories of harsh criticism from your previous jobs begin to creep in. You wonder whether you truly deserve the role:

• Imposter Syndrome: “Did I earn this job or was it just luck? Do I really deserve this position?”
• Fear of Failure: “What if I don’t meet their expectations? What if I can’t prove myself?”

These doubts, fueled by past experiences, cause you to question your abilities in this new environment. You face a choice: Do you work hard and prove your doubts wrong or do you retreat into passivity, validating your own fears of inadequacy?

Strategies for Challenging and Reshaping Doubt

Whilst doubting thoughts can stem from past experiences, they don’t have to control your present or future. Here are some strategies to help you question and overcome these thoughts:

Challenge Your Thoughts

Question the validity of your doubts. Are they based on facts, or are they a product of past traumas and insecurities? By challenging your thoughts you can gain perspective and begin to dismantle the automatic doubts that arise.

 Reflect on Your Emotions

Take a step back and reflect on your feelings. What are you truly feeling and why? By understanding the root cause of your doubts, you can address them in a more constructive way.

Clear Your Mind

When doubt becomes overwhelming, take a break to clear your mind. Engage in activities like mindfulness or distract yourself for a while before returning to your thoughts. This can provide you with a fresh perspective and reduce emotional reactivity.

Write Your Thoughts Down

Writing down your thoughts can help you separate emotion from logic. After putting them on paper, set them aside and review them later. This process can help you distance yourself from the immediacy of the doubt and evaluate it more rationally.

Seek Support

You don’t have to face your doubts alone. Reach out to trusted friends, family members, or professionals for perspective. They can offer reassurance or insights that can help you work through your doubts more effectively.

Embrace Vulnerability 

Rejection or criticism can be painful but these difficult experiences are often where we learn our most valuable life lessons which in turn can make us stronger and more resilient as a person.

Managing Doubting Thoughts for Emotional Health

Doubting thoughts are powerful and potentially destructive forces that can replace trust, both in yourself and in others. Whether driven by past traumas, online pressures or fear of the unknown, doubt can manifest in harmful ways if left unchecked. However, by challenging, reflecting on and reframing these thoughts, you can regain control over your emotional wellbeing.