What I Wish People Understood About Being Neurodivergent

My experience as an Adult with ADHD

For most of my life, I thought I was just bad at being an adult.

I’d watch colleagues seamlessly juggle tasks while I struggled to finish one without forgetting another. I’d overthink an email for hours, terrified I’d said the wrong thing. I’d sit through meetings, nodding along, only to realise I’d absorbed almost nothing of what was said.

And when I received even the most constructive feedback? It felt like my world was collapsing.

But the worst part wasn’t the struggle itself. It was the feeling that I was the only one struggling. That everyone else had received some kind of manual for life, and I’d somehow missed the memo.

It wasn’t until I was diagnosed as neurodivergent that everything started to make sense. The things I had blamed myself for-my struggles with multitasking, rejection sensitivity, executive dysfunction, and emotional overwhelm, weren’t personal failings. They were just part of how my brain works.

This is what I wish people understood about being neurodivergent.

Rejection Feels Like Actual Pain

If you’ve ever had to deliver constructive criticism to a neurodivergent person, you might have been surprised at their reaction. Maybe they became defensive, shut down, or seemed more emotional than expected. That’s because many neurodivergent people experience Rejection Sensitivity Dysphoria – a condition where even mild feedback can feel like deep, personal failure.

For me, negative feedback doesn’t just sting- it’s a full-body reaction. I feel like I can’t breathe, my mind feels like it isn’t connected to the rest of my body and I feel this overwhelming urge to either disappear, over-explain myself to regain approval, or simply wish for my own non-existence as surely that’s less painful than what’s happening in the moment. 

I wish I could explain what it’s like to feel like you’re constantly disappointing people, even when you’re trying your hardest.

A simple, “Hey, can we talk?” can send me into a spiral of anxiety, overthinking, and self-doubt. Any form of criticism – no matter how constructive – feels like an attack, even when I know logically it isn’t. My brain doesn’t distinguish between “You made a mistake” and “You are a failure.”

I’ve been called “too sensitive” more times than I can count. But it’s not about being dramatic – it’s about how my brain processes rejection.

Fact: Studies show that RSD is common in neurodivergent individuals, particularly those with ADHD, and is linked to heightened activity in the anterior cingulate cortex- the part of the brain that processes pain.

What would help?

• Framing feedback with reassurance: Saying “This doesn’t change how I see you” can make a world of difference.
• Allowing processing time: Giving me a moment to absorb feedback and regulate before responding helps me regulate my emotions.

Multitasking Feels Impossible (Because, for Me, It Is)

I’ve lost count of the times someone’s told me, “Just multitask!” as if that’s an easy solution to my struggles with focus. But here’s the thing: multitasking doesn’t work for me.

If I try to do two things at once, one (or both) of them will suffer. I might forget what I was doing mid-task, zone out, or make mistakes without realising it. Instead of multitasking, I work best when I can hyperfocus on one task at a time – but in fast-paced workplaces, that’s not always an option.

Fact: Neuroscientific research shows that multitasking reduces efficiency by up to 40% and that neurodivergent brains struggle more with task-switching due to differences in executive function.

What would help?

• Clear task prioritisation: Instead of saying, “Can you do these three things?”, breaking it down into one priority at a time helps me stay focused.
• Written instructions: If you tell me something verbally while I’m mid-task, there’s a good chance I’ll forget it. Which brings me to my next point…

Verbal Instructions Go in One Ear and Out the Other

I can be listening, paying attention, and genuinely trying to retain what’s being said-but if you give me a list of verbal instructions, I will probably forget most of them. It’s not that I’m not listening-it’s just that my working memory struggles to hold onto verbal information without something to anchor it.

I can’t tell you how many times I’ve nodded along in a meeting, thinking I’ve got everything down, only to walk away with a blank mind five minutes later.

Fact: Studies on working memory in neurodivergent individuals show that people with ADHD and autism often experience difficulty retaining and processing verbal instructions, particularly in high-stimulation environments.

What would help?

• Written follow-ups: A quick email summary of key points makes all the difference.
• Breaking information into steps: Instead of one long set of instructions, giving me information in small, digestible parts helps me retain it.

Emotional Regulation Takes More Effort Than You Think

Imagine a radio where the volume knob is broken– every sound, feeling, or stressor is either barely there or blaring at full blast. That’s what emotional regulation feels like for me.

I cry at things other people wouldn’t. I get overwhelmed easily. Loud noises, bright lights, strong emotions – they all hit me harder than they seem to hit others.

I can go from calm to overwhelmed in seconds if I’m overstimulated, tired, or mentally drained. It’s not that I want to react strongly-it’s just that my brain processes emotions in a way that makes them feel huge and immediate.

Fact: Research shows that neurodivergent individuals experience heightened amygdala activity, meaning emotions like stress, frustration, and excitement can feel much more intense than they do for neurotypical individuals.

What would help?

• Giving space, not pressure: If I seem overwhelmed, let me take a break instead of forcing me to respond immediately.
• Understanding that my emotions don’t define me: A meltdown or shutdown doesn’t mean I’m overreacting-it means I’m overloaded.

Building Emotional Resilience with the Resilience Development Programme

Because emotional regulation, rejection sensitivity, and executive dysfunction are major challenges for neurodivergent individuals, resilience training is essential. That’s where the CPD-Certified Resilience Development Programme comes in.

How the RDP Supports Neurodivergent Mental Health

The Resilience Development Programme is a science-backed mental health tool designed to:

• Help individuals manage stress
• Provide strategies for emotional regulation and executive function.
• Use Cognitive Behavioural Therapy techniques to improve resilience.

Neurodivergence Isn’t a Weakness – It’s a Different Operating System

I don’t need people to pity me or see me as broken – I just need them to understand that my brain works differently.

• I’m not being difficult when I need written instructions.
• I’m not overreacting when feedback feels personal.
• I’m not lazy because I struggle with multitasking.

I just process the world in a way that’s different – but equally valid.

If society made small adjustments to accommodate neurodivergent people, we wouldn’t have to work twice as hard to exist in a world not designed for us.

Let’s start by understanding, not just tolerating, neurodivergence.

Explore our CPD-Certified Resilience Development Programme to start your journey today.